with those you care about. However, it can also be a dreaded affair, which we tremble to tread upon the happenings of the years before. Nevertheless, everyone should have a set time where they can reflect on themselves. This term, reflect, has a symbolic meaning in our lives. We must all come to a point where we just look at the past. Accept it. Learn from it. Grow from it. We must look at ourselves in the mirrors of the days gone, to see ourselves for what we once were.
Interestingly enough, this is a battle I dealt with this year. I finally realised the characteristics that form my being, both the good and bad. I had fallen into a darker place. A space where no one should have to set his foot, and yet I know I'm not alone. It felt like it though.
But this story is about how I reflected on myself. My mistakes, and the how and why I did them. I won't go into the specifics of my mistakes, but I will emphasise on the compartments of my mindset that led to them. These are undesired traits, ever present still, merely being suppressed by my consciousness. I will not dive into the origins of these compartments, for they bear closed wounds I wish to keep closed.
This year I had to face my deamons. They form the acronym P.A.B.L.O.
P- Pride
Christians to believe it to be the worst of all sins. Failing to humble myself when necessary, this would often result in ignorance, and also the following point.
A - Anger
A characteristic that seemed to blossom this year particularly, it caused many, many arguments within my household. I know now how foolish of me it was to jump immediately to anger, surpassing all means of simple humility. This anger would often result in the next point.
B - Bitterness
From so many pent up negative emotions, it was a matter of time before I conformed to the standards of bitterness that should not be within a person as young as myself. Bitterness only led me to wallowing in self pity, and even grew dangerously close to loneliness and depression.
L- Laziness
The first three points have correlations within each other, as do the subsequent two. All my life was I a lazy person, because I was spoiled. I never had to work hard or earn, as I was always provides for. As a result, I took many blessings for granted, and I developed a lazy personality. This contributed significantly to my journey on being overweight. This goes to my final bad habit listed today.
O - Overeating
Daily I feel hungrier than the day before, and daily I will eat as to what I feel is necessary to satisfy myself. It's now such a strong habit, whereby I eat not because I'm hungry, but just because I want to eat.
These are the five major parts of myself that are changing. That must change. Nobody would like such a person, myself included. Even as I type this, I sense the bitterness arising within. I've just become such a horrid person. Such a different person than I used to be. Why this is so? Even I don't fully understand. All I know is this is the time for mirrors to be broken, and to never look back at the dreads of the past. They will only haunt us in the future
No comments:
Post a Comment